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Am I a Sexual Addict?

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For most people, sex enhances the quality of life. Others, however, experience a kind of "driven" sexual behavior. Patrick Carnes, one of the nation's leading experts on sexual addiction, estimates that about 3% of North Americans contend with sexual addiction.  Sexual addicts engage in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.

Carnes has developed the SAFE Formula that is suggested as a guideline to answering this question. Signs of compulsive sexuality are when the behavior can be described as follows

  • It is a Secret. Anything that cannot pass public scrutiny will create the shame of a double life.
  • It is Abusive to self or others. Anything that is exploitative or harmful to others or degrades oneself will activate the addictive system.
  • It is used to avoid or is a source of painful Feelings. If sexuality is used to alter moods or results in painful mood shifts, it is clearly part of the addictive process.
  • It is Empty of a caring, committed relationship. Fundamental to the whole concept of addiction and recovery is the healthy dimension of human relationships. The addict runs a great risk of being sexual outside of a committed relationship.

One of the challenges in looking at addiction, while at the same time sorting out same-gender attractions, is that experiences of same-gender attraction can be very isolating to begin with. So it may be that you already feel somewhat secretive due to the stigma of even being able to acknowledge your experiences in a safe environment. We would encourage you to work on establishing safe relationships with trustworthy others with whom you can share your experiences. If this is a professional helping relationship, that person can help you sort out whether you are also struggling with a driven or addictive pattern or behavior.

 Heather Brooke, M.A.
















   
 

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